It's not romance, it's BROmance!
by temarinekoninja
Summary: Hidan, Prussia, and Russia have more in common than they think! Well they couldn't possibly cause too much trouble.... Could they? PrussiaxAustria, RussiaxChina, HidanxKakuzu
1. Chapter 1

Ok, this story is pretty much very random, and thought up with one of my friends~ We noticed how similar Prussia Russia and Hidan are and talked about it until we had all of it figured out and I just couldn't resist.

NOTE:We also give the Akatsuki members countries depending on how they act or speak or what we think would fit (and we thought of the countries before we discovered hetalia so when we DID discover hetalia there were alot of OMG WE WERE SO RIGHT and alot of OMG OOC FTW!! moments xD)

Of course this story has Hidan in it, so watch out for naughty language. Also Russia isn't in this one yet ): Sorry Ivan fangirls!!

Disclaimer:If I owned Hetalia wars would be huge yaoi orgys. And they're not so do the math. And if I owned Naruto Jashin would be the God of Yaoi and Hidan would thank him for plentiful butt smex filled dreams every night before dinner, but alas he does not.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kakuzu should have known better.

He should have known even considering it would be a massive headache. He shouldhave, but he didn't. Now however, there was no getting rid of it. Hidan had found brothers, and the world was going to have to deal with it.

It all started when he decided to visit his country of birth, Germany, and when he meant country, he probably should have mentioned to Hidan that he meant Ludwig's house. The poor bastard went on about german chocolate cake for hours, and Kakuzu decided to let him have his poor deluded fantasies. Needless to say when they arrived at Ludwig's house, Hidan went on one of his pissy fits. Whining seemingly endlessly about wanting chocolate, and giving anyone who brought him chocolate a "really fucking good fuck".

Ludwig appeared as if he wanted to tell Hidan to watch his language, but Kakuzu quietly assured him that would do nothing but enrage him more.

"He's French." He whispered simply in response to the questioning look he was given.

Ludwig nodded understandingly, and pointed to the clock on the wall that was now chirping out "Coo coo! Coo coo!" Kakuzu smirked under his mask and nodded back, which thankfully went unnoticed by Hidan.

A short five minutes later, the silver-haired man's ranting and childish whining was finally about to send both Germans over the edge, when Kakuzu came up with his then ingenious plan.

"Hidan, if you're so freakin' unhappy here, why don't you go upstairs and meet Ludwig's brother Gilbert?" He managed to snarl out through a forced smile that felt like it would break his teeth.

Said frenchman stopped midsentence and turned to glare at his partner.

"Why the fuck would I do that bitch?!"

"Gilbert has a stash of cake somewhere in his room." Ludwig offered looking as close to murder as Kakuzu.

Hidan's eyes widened slightly.

"BITCH'S BEEN HOLDING OUT ON ME?!!" He yelled before stomping to the stairs and jumping up them three steps at a time.

Both germans breathed a sigh of relief, but it was short lived, as only a few seconds later they heard a loud bang upstairs and uncoherent shouting and cursing.

Ludwig smacked his forehead with his palm and Kakuzu rubbed his temples, feeling a headache coming on.

"Do you think they'll kill each other?" Ludwig asked after a few minutes of listening to the loud thumps and crashes and cursing coming from upstairs.

Kakuzu shook his head. "Unfortunately, Hidan can't die I've tried."

"I feel bad for you."

"Well it's not all bad I guess, he's a good money maker with his damn religion. I-"

"OI!!! LUDWIG, MASK GUY, LOOK AT THIS!!" Came Gilbert's voice from the stairway.

Both germans tensed greatly, and turned to see what Gilbert could possibly have to show them.

What they first noticed was Gilbert was shirtless, and covered in chocolate all over his torse and face, with a satisfied smirk on his smug face, and standing next to him, was Hidan, equally shirtless and covered in chocolate. Except Hidan had a good amount of chocolate above his lips, giving him the appearance of a heavy moustache.

Hidan grinned almost evily, and did a quick salute and military stance.

"HEIL HITLER!!!" He called out starting to march around the living room.

Ludwig hid his face in his hands with an annoyed groan, while Gilbert laughed his pale chocolate covered ass off.

"You heard him West!! Heil your illustrious leader!!" Gilbert mocked while saluting Hidan himself.

"KILL ALL THE FUCKING JEWS!!"

"Hidan stop it..."

"C'mon mask guy its hilarious!!"

"No it's not. Not one bit. Make him stop Gilbert."

"Why West? Aren't you happy to see dear Adolf after all these years?"

"MAYBE HE'S A JEW TOO!!!"

Kakuzu couldn't take it anymore. He pulled out a kunai and and tossed it straight at Hidan's face so quickly it was almost invisible, but at the last minute something unexpected happened that saved Hidan several painful stitches. Gilbert had..... glomped him.

The two lay on the floor, laughing almost maniacally and not to mention getting chocolate everywhere. Ludwig and Kakuzu could do nothing but stare in disbelief.

"Hey Kakuzu!! Isn't it great?! He's like a fuckin' mini-me!" Hidan yelled while patting Gilbert's head almost affectionately.

The country responded by swatting Hidan's hand away roughly before returning the gesture to him.

"Well if anything you're a mini-ME because I'm just pure fucking awesomeness~"

"Ahhh what the fuck ever we're both badass bitches~"

By now Ludwig and Kakuzu's mouths were on the floor as their silver haired bastards sat on the floor hugging each other quite happily and laughing strangely.

Their shock was finally broken by a knock at the door.

"Germany!! It's Austria, please open the door I need help bringing my piano in."

"Huh? Why did you bring your pia-"

"OI!! LOOK HIDAN IT'S MY BITCH!!" Gilbert yelled loudly while getting up and roughly pushing aside the curtain in front of the window and staring out at a very suprised Roderich. Hidan soon joined Gilbert at the window and put an arm over him while waving out at the stunned country.

"Hiiii honey~" He drawled out with a smirk.

Kakuzu could only imagine what was running through Roderich's mind as the silence insued, but only a few moments later he could hear Chopin being played rather hurriedly.

Gilbert burst out laughing.

"Awww that's his ANGRY music!!"

Hidan soon followed in obnoxious laughter.

"Just look at the look on his face!! It's too rich!!"

Apart from Gilbert and Hidan's laughing and Roderich's playing outside, everything was completely still and silent. Almost as if the world itself had a shiver at the mere thought of the hell that would soon unfold between the two foul mouthed, silver haired, childish, bratsy, self centered friends.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OOC? I don't care it's funny xD

And yes!! I made Kakuzu german. Why? In my mind, Kakuzu is a busy homebody that cleans the kitchen all day or kills people epically for sneaking a snack before dinner. Germany sounding isn't it?

And Hidan is frenchy yes he is~ Why? You'll see!

PLEASE REVIEW REVIEWS GIVE ME MOTOVATION!


	2. Chapter 2

Well this one was originally supposed to include Russia, but we'll see once I write it. My friend really wants to know what happened between Prussia and Hidan for that chocolate to get everywhere so quickly and for them to suddenly fall into guy love so lets see shall we~? xD Nyehehehe crackish this is honestly coming right off the top of my head.

And my OTHER friend pointed out something very strange but amusing. Hidan and Prussia actually look VERY alike, so when they encountered eachother it must have been like looking at a mirror! (and we all know how much they love themselves, so it helps explain ooc-ness a little bit)

And this officially starts the chaos counter!! (you'll see)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hidan wasn't entirely sure himself how it came about, but he was joyously waving out the window with his new clone Gilbert at a fuming Roderich. Something told him chocolate was the start of it, which would make sense since he had burst through Gilbert's door and spotted him sitting on the bed shirtless and eating a very delicious looking peice of chocolate cake.

The Jashinist had basically tackled him in a sugar deprived rage at that point if he remembered correctly. (who really thinks when they're in love anyway?) Of course his near mirror image had fought back desperately for his precious cake, practically smooshing it like a pancake between them. They cussed nearly the same insults (except Hidan's involved Jashin-sama and Prussia's involved being crushed by pure awesome), gave eachother the same disgusted expression, even flipped the bird at the same time. It was indeed like looking at a very angry reflection of ones self.

Fighting over the cake somehow became a cursing fight, a cursing fight somehow became a smooshed cake throwing fight, the throwing fight somehow became uncontrollable laughter and smiling when Hidan achieved his Adolf Hit-hershey moustache.

Before they knew it they were parading in front of two very annoyed germans, and now making obscene faces at one very confused Austrian, almost like two schoolgirls who just found their new bff.

"Hey Rody, why the hell are you playing angry music anyway? What you wanna roll around in chocolate with my awesomeness too?"

Roderich turned a light shade of pink, but continued to plunk out notes gracefully on his piano, and if he had fully heard Gilbert he didn't show it.

"Maybe he just wants to join BOTH of us~!!" Hidan jeered with a satisfied smirk.

This Roderich did notice, for he missed several notes in his song and turned to face them.

"N-No I don't want to join w-whatever it is you two are doing that's c-completely indecent!!"

"But Rody, who said fucking was decent?" Gilbert asked innoccently, with his arm resting on Hidan's shoulder.

At this Roderich turned a very vibrant shade of pink and stuttered while playing with his hands, as if he weren't sure how exactly to react to that. The dry choking sounds that could be heard from behind told Hidan both the german guy and his partnert had choked on their own breath at that statement, which caused his smirk to widen in amusement.

"Come Gilbert Dearest, let us raid your precious little brother's fridge of every unhealthy fucking food product we can find, shall we?" Hidan asked in a tone of fake politeness while extending his arm to Gilbert's.

"Oh that sounds like a very spiffing idea indeed Hidan my Love." Gilbert responded in a similarly smartass tone while linking his arm with the other silver haired man's.

They strutted into the kitchen for their "snack", and five minutes later left a mess that would most likely give Ludwig and Kakuzu simultaneous heart attacks. Cabinents were left open as well as the fridge, empty bowls once containing food were strewn across the floor, food that they had deemed unworthy of their death by self gourging feast were tossed aside after being ripped to shreds for mere amusement, and just for the heck of it, the silverware drawer was open. They were such badasses.

"Well West, we're going upstairs to dispose of the deadly poison that was polluting your kitchen, you can thank us and our awesomeness later~"

"And hey Kakuzu, if you hear some moaning or some shit don't think that means you can join in you sick fuck!!"

Gilbert and Hidan retreated quickly up the stairs as Ludwig's and Kakuzu's yells followed after them, soon accompannied by Roderich's who seemed to find a way in his mind to blame this whole mess on his german friend. Chaos was sweet music indeed. (Chaos counter=1)

The smirking duo slammed Gilbert's bedroom door and burst into laughter once again, this was really too much fun. Until Gilbert wiped small tears of mirth from his eyes long enough to stare curiously out the window.

"Oi, dude, what's that?" He asked pointing to something.

Hidan turned to see what Gilbert was talking about, to see what most definately appeared to be a human arm latched onto the windowsill, as well as another struggling to get a grip to pull whoever it belonged to up.

"Da fuck...?" He mumbled to himself stepping up curiously.

Gilbert was far less delicate in his approach, he stroad forward, chest puffed out broadly, and poked the offending gloved hand grasping his open windowsill as if that would stop its unwanted assault.

"Hey!! Who the hell do you think you are?!" He asked poking the hand several times as if it should answer to his awesomeness.

The hand ignored him. That bloody bastard.

"Maybe we should get some rope and tie it up to interrogate it!" Gilbert suggested with a faintly amused smirk.

"Wait, I've got a better idea!" Hidan offered pulling a kunai from the pouch on his side.

He twirled it around his finger as he scurried forward to Gilbert's side, before plunging the blade deep in the appendage with a gleeful sadistic grin at the now ripped leather glove and deep crimson liquid seeping from the wound he had made.

"Now we can make it a Jashin sacrifice!"

As if that were the jumpstart whoever it was needed, the arm was wrenched out of Hidan's overly eager grip and finally made to hoist its owner in through the window. Gilbert and Hidan had to scoot back a bit to keep from being crushed by this strange invader, he easily towered over them even while half of his body was still hanging out of the window. When his full height was inside at last he had to bend over slightly to keep from hitting his head, and his silvery blonde hair was very close to the lightbulb, making it almost shine. Violet eyes gazed down at Hidan's similar purple ones and Gilbert's crimson ones. The man was smiling, but it didn't take a genius to feel the aura he brought in the room with him. If it weren't Hidan and Gilbert, they probably would have wet themselves.

The strange man brought his dripping hand to his face and craddled it with a childish pout.

"That huuuurt~! Person who resembles Prussia, why do you stab Russia, da~?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

IVAN IVAN IIIVAAN~!! I'm glad I managed to fit him into this story, even if it was just a cliffhanger. Somehow I could totally picture Hidan and Prussia capturing and interrogating Russia's hand as he hung out the window. I was just afraid to fully explore what they would likely do to it.

Please review!


	3. Chapter 3

Yaaay now we get to see what happens when Russia meets Hidan!! Well it's obvious to an extent but whatever.

This picks up exactly where the last leaves off but I don't do recaps since all the chapters are here anyway.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Why do I stab Russia? Why do you climb through other people's fucking windows?!"

"And MY window of awesomeness to top it!!"

The taller man tilted his head as if he didn't understand.

"Your room? I thought this was dear Ludwig's room~"

"Err, no, West's room is on the OTHER side of the house genius."

"Oh.."

The strange man turned and stuck his head back out the window.

"Dear Raivis I won't be needing the magic water stick afterall, this doesn't appear to be Ludwig's room."

There was a pathetic whimper from outside that sounded half relieved and half terrified to have been addressed at all before the man turned back to them. Gilbert suddenly raised his arm and pointed silently at him, a blank expression on his face.

"YOU!!"

A long silence followed this, Hidan looking from his friend pointing like a statue to the intruder grinning in a homocidal way.

"........ Who the fuck are you again?"

Hidan slapped his forehead.

"Jashin dammit Gilbo you made it sound like you had something epic to say!!"

"Hey, everything I say is epic, 'cause I'm me!"

"Yeah well I- OWW WHAT THE FUCK MAN?!!?"

While Hidan had been argueing with his new clone the new guy had the nerve to pick up the kunai he had dropped near the window and stab him through the arm with it, which he probably would have done himself anyway, but that wasn't the point.

"WHO THE HELL SAID YOU COULD STAB ME?! ONLY I CAN STAB ME, WATCH!"

Before anything more could be said Hidan drew another kunai from his pouch and stabbed himself in the side with a demented smirk. Gilbert's eyes widened in surprise, while the unidentified man smiled ever more creepily with satisfaction.

"Ah, so you wish to punish yourself to save Russia the trouble, da~?"

"LIKE HELL I WOULD "RUSSIA"! I stab myself for Jashin-sama and Jashin-sama only. By the way, I think Jashin-sama wants me to stab you too. HOLD STILL!"

Hidan removed the now bloody kunai from his arm and used it to stab Russia's arm in return.

He expected him to be surprised, or at least cry out in pain, but the only reaction he showed was to stare at his new wound in wonder, before looking up with a childish smile.

"Owww~ You are not afraid of Russia person who looks like Prussia?"

"I'm not afraid of ANYTHING, especially not-"

"AH-HAH!! NOW I REMEMBER YOU!!" Gilbert interupted finally climbing to his feet.

"You're that guy!! From that place! Ivan!"

Ivan nodded and chuckled happily.

"Da~ I am Ivan, and Ivan's a sex bomb*!!"

A long awkward silence followed this as Ivan smirked in satisfaction, before Gilbert and Hidan burst out into laughter.

"Aren't we ALL Ivan?" Gilbert asked wiping tears of mirth from his eyes.

"Yeah, this bitch is my kind of bitch!" Hidan added clapping Ivan on the back.

The only response he got was the continuation of Ivan's happy smile, before he found himself stabbed once again, this time in the stomach. Hidan looked down at it with a groan of annoyance as the blood stained through his Akatsuki cloak.

"What the hell man?!..... Ahhh who gives a fuck I'll make Kakuzu wash it out later!"

Ivan chuckled again, and wrapped Hidan in a hug that seemed more like he was trying to break every bone in his body, which Hidan didn't really mind and returned. Gilbert laughed victoriously and joined in.

"Hey, this means our dou is now a trio! AWESOME!" He exclaimed.

"Is Ivan part of the trio Gilbert?" Ivan asked, the creepy childish smile never once faltering.

"Hell yeah bitch, you can't get rid of us now it's your punishment for climbing in my window! By the way Hidan, can I stab you too?"

---------

Kakuzu inwardly sighed as he climbed up Ludwig's stairs. Hidan was probably gonna whine and complain like a child once he told him they had to get going, but Pein was very clear that Kakuzu was only to spend one day and one day only visiting, and if he returned without the foul-mouthed Jashinist he would be in for some serious punishment.

_'Actually....' _He thought as he approached Gilbert's door, beyond which he could hear uncontrollable laughter of the maniacal sort.

_'Maybe Pein would be preferable than having to deal with Hidan's new obsession with his "friend".'_

This time he sighed outwardly as he prepared to deal with two whining silver haired brats as his hand rested on the doorknob, before he finally turned it and poked his head in.

"Hidan! It's time to go we-...... we...... WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"

Before Kakuzu's bewildered eyes were not two, but _three _silver haired brats laughing with mirth, and his brat was covered in kunai like a human pincushion and bleeding profusely.

"Kakuzu!!" He struggled to yell as he choked back more laughter.

"Can we move in here~?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Omfg, short chapter o.o Well I wasn't entirely sure how to word it, so it'll have to work for now. Stabbing Hidan is fun, da? 8D I hope I'm not making them to OOC, but in my mind Hidan loves giving bloody hugs and raping the Akatsuki, Gilbert is best friends with anyone who will let him grope him and shares his love of bothering people, and Ivan just needs acceptance which Gilbert and Hidan are screwed up enough to provide~

Note=To any who didn't get the "sex bomb" comment, look up the Russian ice skater Evgeni Plushenko on youtube, I'm sure you'll find it xD

Sex Bomb Sex Bomb Ivan is a Sex Bomb!


	4. Chapter 4

Kakuzu sighed as he finally heard Hidan say goodbye to his new friends, before hanging up the phone. The silver-haired Jashinist had been tittering away like a giddy schoolgirl for hours now, so the phone bill was bound to be through the roof. Not only that, but he had also caused an admirable amount of chaos just by staying on the phone long enough. Anyone who gave him a strange look as he cursed and laughed loudly was a sworn enemy that severely needed the phone book thrown at them, and so far Deidara had a large bruise on his arm, Itachi actually had a genuine change of facial expression, and Tobi ran crying and flailing his arms to Pein. Kakuzu was relieved he finally gave up his telephone terrorist act before both his wallet and his fellow Akatsuki members suffered permanent damage, but he couldn't resist snorting and rolling his eyes as he heard Hidan already whining his way down the stairs about being bored. "Kaaakuuuzuuuu!!" he heard the Jashinist yell out childishly as he walked into the kitchen where Kakuzu was currently cooking.

"What the hell do you want Hidan?" The stiched man asked, managing to keep most of his annoyance out of his voice.

An unexpected, but very awkward, silence followed this. Every second felt like an eternity, in which Kakuzu knew Hidan was playing one of his childish mindgames, and refused to turn around from his cooking.

_'He's just trying to get to you Kakuzu.... Don't give in, it's what he wants... He's just trying to annoy the shit out of you, nothing new.'_ ... That is' except this time he was succeeding.

Another small eternity passed.

".... Kakuzu?"

"_What_?" Said monger answered a little more venomously than intended.

".... Are you wearing a fucking pink frilly apron?"

"......"

... Actually yes, yes he was, but Hidan didn't need to be a smartass and point that out if that were his only clean apron and he didn't want to waste money on drycleaning for his Akatsuki cloak.

".... And are you baking fucking cookies?"

"......"

... What he liked baking...

".... You're a fucking woman aren't you?"

----------1 hour later----------

"And that's why violence is not tolerated in the Akatsuki, unless it's against someone not in Akatsuki. Do you understand Kakuzu?"

"It's not like he can die anyway..."

"But he also can't function without his head. Do it again and there will be real consequences, do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal Pein-sama.."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Short and pointless, but I hadn't uploaded in awhile D: I'll try to get back on track soon!


End file.
